I had the urge to leave my family and call date hotlines and find some phone sex or sexting. I was gone for 7 hours. I do good for awhile and then I give in. Satan knows how to get me when I'm stressed. I have anxiety so he knows I'm already prone to give in. So, I left. Talked to a couple girls on the phone. One of them sent pictures back and forth. had phone sex with one. When I was done I wondered if it was worth it. I don't get to hold or touch them. I dont' get to do any of that. I have a fmily at home. I have a wife at home waiting to talk to me. When I get home and walk through the door she beats the living crap out of me. I deserve it. someone reading this needs to know that 1 picture, 1 search, 1 thought will lead you down a road of destruction. DON"T DO IT!
Now on to another topic. I read a blog the other day about a girl whose husband had a similar problem and she talked about how she was seeing the YM coming out of priesthood and she was wondering if every one of them was looking at porn, or doing something they aren't supposed to. To her I say this, We all have trials in our lives and for some reason there are people, even good LDS people, who have this problem. I feel so bad for the pain she had to go through and sad her husband didn't want to change. But she needs to know there are good people out there in the LDS church that honor their priesthood, fulfull their callings and never have a problem with this horrible addiction. Not every man in the church is like her ex-husband. I am so sorry for her!
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do to break this addiction. Whoever is out there struggling with this needs to know there's hope. I know someday I will be free of this. I know the temptations will be there, but I can overcome this. If you are struggling with this or know someone who is the best thing you can do is put your arm around them and let them know you're thinking of them and give them support....stop by and chat with them, send a card.
I end this post on day 2. I work to save my marriage and grow closer to God!
