This addiction really sucks!
Society teaches men that it's okay to look at women, it's okay to have sex whenever you feel like it, it's okay to look at women as objects.
It's not okay. It destroys people and families.
A little background:
I'm LDS and in our religion we beleive that you shouldn't masturbate...EVER, look at porn, and that you should only have sex when you are married.
Society teaches a whole different story.
I'm addicted to porn.
Every chance that I get, if someone leaves a computer unlocked, if I have access to internet on a phone, I find a way to look at it.
This is damning to me because the company I work for provides my phone! I hope they will never find out or that I can STOP!
There have been many sleepless nights talking with my wife, me living with my grandparents. I have an amazing counselor who tells me that when I'm tempted I need to imagine my wife being raped or someone kidnapping my kids. This puts a man into warrior mode and will make him fight no matter what.
I have some rituals that I do every night.
1. Border patrol: I write about how Satan is going to get me to loose my next battle and what I am going to do to overcome that. I have to come up with strategies to beat him.
2. I read scriptures with my family because it helps me have God in my life
3. My counselor has set up a forum of men who are fighting also. I write every night and we give eachother our updates. It's awesome because I feel like I'm not the only one going through it, we give eachother support, and it gives me accountability.
I lost yesterday. I hate losing because my wife always finds out and she goes through emotions and has questions about why I do it and why I don't choose her. She has to realize that it's not her. This is an addiction. No matter what she looks like I would still have this addiction!
What we dont' realize is that this destroys people. You look at it once and you're hooked. We're letting the porn industry win. I hope this blog will help people realize the pain that this addiction causes to you and your family.
I pray that I can overcome this and help people who are going through this same problem! If I don't my wife is going to say enough is enough and I will lose my family.
